This web site contains stories of physical, mental, emotional, and sexual child abuse.
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INTRODUCTION



It is my intention, through my stories, to try to relate the pain, suffering and sadness an orphan (or abused child) feels after reaching adulthood. What I wish for you to remember when you are reading my stories and after you have finished them is that the pain and sadness you feel will disappear within a minute, an hour, a day or a week. You will once again return to your normal life, with your normal feelings. Orphans and abused children forever remain in that state of sadness and loneliness--a state that you will experience only while reading his or her stories.

"Child Abuse Killed Me From The Inside Out"

Roger Dean Kiser

This is the part I have never been able to get over, a part I have never been able to remove from my life, even as an adult. This sadness and suffering has become who I am as a person. It is whom I wake up with every morning of my life. Asking an orphan to just "grab himself up by the boot straps" and put this sadness behind him would be like asking you to forget that two plus two equals four. Once the “sadness equation” has been taught and drilled into your head for years, it cannot be forgotten or erased. It is impossible for the orphan to forget sadness or loneliness. Those of you who have lost a mother or father (or both) might be able to understand to some extent. It is a sadness that tears your heart out by the core. Most of you who lose your parents will overcome that sadness, because you will have memories of devotion, guidance, tenderness, hugs and--most of all--the love they left with you. You are able to "get over it" because you will have memories of good things to hold on to and they will carry you onward. The orphan has none of those things; there are no good, kind or loving things for him or her to remember. So when there is no love to remember, the only thing left is the hate. Please remember the orphan lives every day of his or her life with a horrible feeling of sadness and loneliness. Please do not forget that.

It is not the physical pain that endangers most orphans; it is the mental pain. Pain caused by stress from years and years of being neglected, pushed aside, disregarded, unloved and made to feel undeserving. In almost all cases, the orphan is made to feel like a possession, rather than an equal human being. However, one key element is the real cause of the orphan's problem. It is the lack of "unconditional love," the given right to be accepted as a child and to be loved as a child, no matter what you do.

Orphans must always, from their first day in the orphanage, "walk the line." Any variation from that "line" and the orphan will be thrown away, discarded like a piece of trash. The orphan knows that very well. The orphanage makes sure the orphans know it and do not forget it. That is the one thing for which orphans will never forgive the orphanage. The reason for this lack of forgiveness on the part of orphans is that for the remainder of their lives, they will feel undeserving of love, devotion and equality.

However, orphans will succeed in life, but only because they rule and structure their lives with their thought processes, rather than with their emotional processes. Therefore, in my opinion, the orphanage is solely responsible for the creation of the world's first "HUMAN ROBOTS."



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