Orphan Survival Stories Index |
Something came to me as I was driving along the freeway this afternoon. Off in the distance I could see a large building, which appeared to have been built just a little crooked. Several miles later, I came across another building that was even more crooked than the first building I saw.
"Someone needs to tear those building down and start over again," I thought.
It wasn't so much that the buildings were crooked. It was that they appeared to be out of place as everything else that was built around them were built based upon a straight line configuration.
As I traveled along, it came to me that this is exactly what happens to children when they are abused or mistreated at a very young age. What you end up with when the abused child grows up is an adult, who is similar to a crooked building trying to fit into a society that was built along straight lines.
The difference between the two is that you cannot tear down a child and start all over again. It is now to late for that. The child has now reached its final stage of completion and the damage will always be a part of the finished adult. They are and will forever be, what and whom their elders built them to be.
Each and every thing we do as a parent form a single block in our children's growth. We tend to look at the over all picture, when it comes correcting our children, rather than looking at each single, individual correction we make. It is those individual corrections that start the foundation and build upward as time passes. An action on our part that will cause the building, when completed, to stand straight or lean crooked.
Many of us can now look back and see that we may have made a few mistakes along the way. The problem now is that we try to cover our mistakes by telling an unstable, crooked building to straighten itself up. The most common phrase we use is "Get over it," or "Pick yourself up by the boots straps and get on with the program."
Well, the building may not have turned out to be exactly as straight or as tall as we wanted, but let there be no doubt that it turned out to be exactly what ‘we’ made it to be.
A child and/or a building will never be any more or any less than what we made them to be. Both the building and the child, now an adult, can try to pretend that they are ‘straight’ and ‘tall’ as much as they want, but all that either can ever become is what they really are. The least that we can do is to admit to ourselves that we drew the blueprint.