This web site contains stories of physical, mental, emotional, and sexual child abuse.

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Most of the orphans I have known have been married and divorced many times. They never seem to understand why they go from one relationship to another.

Most orphans have always lived with the ‘invisible line.’ That ‘line’ is never to be crossed. That line always separates the boys from the girls. No social interaction is allowed, whatsoever. If crossed by either male or female, it is sure death or the reform school, whichever is worse.

Because of never being allowed to cross that line, the orphan almost always chooses to marry the boy or girl that they ‘LIKE THE BEST.’

It is amazing to me how a child could sit in the same dining room, same school, same church, live in the same home for nine years and never speak to someone of the opposite sex. Can this be possible? Well, it is very much possible if you were raised in the Children's Home Society in Jacksonville, Florida.

I will never forget being afraid to speak to a girl in the orphanage for fear of being beaten or sent away to the reform school. Not only was I afraid to talk with any of the girls at the home, I was also afraid to talk with any of the girls at school. Mrs. Winters' philosophy was that if a boy would talk to a girl at school, then he would also talk to a girl in the orphanage and talking could not be tolerated because "talking leads to sexual activity."

I don't remember wanting to pull my "thing" out when I talked with a girl at the age of 7 or 8, but I guess the matron, Mrs. Winters, knew something that we boys did not. Heck, I even hid my thing when I took a shower with the other boys, so why would I want to show it to some stupid old girl?

This lack of interaction between the girls and boys, for years and years, was a very bad thing for the orphanage to do, at least to the degree that it was carried. Some of the boys and girls left the orphanage at 16, 17 or 18 and had never dated before. Most had never even held hands with someone, much less kissed or felt any type of affection for someone of the opposite sex.

As I have said in many of my stories that I have written about the orphanage, the children at the home were absolutely forbidden to think on their own in any manner whatsoever. Even normal human feelings had to be suppressed by the children and without explanation or question.

Jesus, I remember when I was about 7 or 8 years old and ran into the matron's bedroom screaming, because my thing was getting erect and I did not have to go to the bathroom. I was scared as hell and did not know what was going on or what to do about it. Of course, I got the holy hell beat out of me, was made to stand in the corner for three days and got laughed at by everyone. The story spread over the entire orphanage, not to mention the Spring Park Elementary school and it took me years to get over that incident. Let me tell you, those damn baggy Sunday school pants did not make things any easier when I got to be 11 or 12.

The bottom line is that when children of the opposite sex are kept away from one another, at least to the extent and degree used by the orphanage, the boys finally do become of age and have to deal with girls and/or women on a personal or sexual level. All the boys know how to do is to drop their pants, which they learned from the bathroom wall at school.

The true feelings of love, devotion and commitment are unknown to them, because that was not allowed to become a part their hearts as children. Love and affection then becomes a game, because they are unable to deal with true feelings and emotions. Most orphans will spend the remainder of their lives traveling from relationship to relationship and from marriage to marriage, and never knowing the reason why.

The truth of the matter is this. The orphanage did not keep the boys away from the girls or the girls away from the boys because they thought they were protecting the children from themselves or from making a terrible mistake. They kept the children separated, because they did not want to have an embarrassing situation to occur, which might affect the amount of monies or funds coming into the orphanage through the various charities in the community, which in the end would have affected their own jobs and welfare.

This reminds me of the parents who keep their children away from the library for 12 years, because they did not want their children to find out about sex. What they ended up with were two illiterate children, who still learned about sex but did not know how to read. They are like the orphans who do not know how to love or interact with anyone of the opposite sex except on a physical level. This is why the orphan, male and female, always chooses to marry the person they like the best - or that likes them the best. That is because they do not know of any emotional feelings past ‘feeling good.’

I guess I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Children's Home Society for all the unloving sex that I have had over the past 35 years and I have had my share.

I would give almost anything to know what it would have been like to share one sexual experience with a woman, because I loved her and she loved me, but that will never be and it saddens me greatly.

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